


Something Soft, Something Sweet

by Anonymous



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, F/M, Internalized Misogyny, M/M, Multi, Past Abuse, Past Brainwashing, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2020-11-23 03:50:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20885660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Orochimaru wanted to keep his next body perfect. No drinking, drugs, tattoos, sex, masturbation.Sasuke would like to see what he’s been missing.-Some of these rules made a twisted sort of sense.The snake wanted a brain untouched by addiction, flesh unmarred by ink, an intact hymen. But masturbation?Everyone knows people with vaginas can’t masturbate.But non-clan had - strange ideas about gender. Everyone seemed to think he was - he had -Anyways. It secured Sasuke as smarter, cleverer, to know something they didn’t.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So! This wouldn't leave me alone.  
This fic is about past abuse and brainwashing, and learning how to work through it, I guess?
> 
> Warnings for this chapter: pretty blatant descriptions of sexual harassment, homophobic slurs, and a whole buncha internalized stuff. Also, menstruation! Also, masturbation?

The first clue, in hindsight, should have been Orochimaru’s insistence.

Sasuke felt no shame on Kabuto’s medical table. Not anymore. There had been some - defensiveness at his lingering gaze between his legs. 

Orochimaru had been  _ so very pleased. _

_ (Oh, you marvel.  _ And there was hot breath on his skin, that tongue was so, so close -  _ My very own Uchiha.) _

And how wonderful. He could take Sasuke’s body and the next body he made within it. How  _ neat  _ and  _ tidy.  _

Kabuto took off his gloves carefully, a clear sign he wanted to speak. Sasuke waited, making no move to redress. 

He - didn’t want to move too quickly, to show his discomfort. (Those were the early days.) 

“Your master,” (never ours, what are you thinking, Beetle?) “wishes me to remind you of his rules.”

Sasuke waited. 

Kabuto gave him a strange look, and continued on. 

“You must not mar what belongs to him. No matter -“

It was Kabuto’s turn to blush. 

“Your - type. Clan. No matter the - heat. There is no release. This is your duty to him. Understand?”

“Hn.”

Kabuto took a breath, then snapped off his gloves, turned on his heel. He skittered off, leaving the door open behind him.

Sasuke stared at the ceiling before replacing his clothes.

-

(And it was not something he understood, that the lack of body fat, the starvation, the training, the fear, the trauma, that kept away the menstruation and the desire and the heat and)

-

(He killed Orochimaru. Chased Itachi. It made very little difference.)

-

The next clue - maybe Sugietsu? 

“ - I’m just saying, you could be a little quieter.”

“I’ll kill you, you overgrown glass of - “

“ - everyone this side of Amegakure can hear your feminine albutions -“

“That is  _ not  _ what that word means -“

Sasuke had learned the fine art of tuning out chatter as a child. 

(Especially when the chatter included  _ liking  _ him and  _ kissing  _ him and then in Sound that was  _ taking  _ him and  _ fucking that smirk off his) _

“ - when  _ I  _ jack off, I have the common courtesy to do it in the shower! Meanwhile you’re in the next room, and that pillow -“

There was the tell tale splash of Karin’s hand through his head.

Jugo was blushing to the heavens, carefully considering the dirt below him. Sasuke shot him a glance.

“You can keep your concern for my pillow to your watery self, ass-canoe -“ 

“Oh,  _ Sasuke -“ _

Another splash.

Ah. 

Sasuke blinked twice.

So - hm. He had assumed - well, Karin was Not-Clan, and their funny ideas on gender -

He had assumed Karin had his - body.

But Karin could (“when  _ I  _ jack off”) - could give children, rather than receive them. 

Sasuke felt a low stab of envy at her ease of acceptance, at her lack of shame - but.

Good for her. 

And she was like him. Like Auntie, and the woman who taught him his alphabets. 

Sasuke turned to consider her. Just for a moment. 

-

And then -

There was that morning.

He didn’t realize it, but he’d been eating more. Training less. The heavy blanket of fear and confusion had ebbed away, and the thrum of Karin and Sugietsu’s banter, of Jugo’s devotion, it had -

He was a little softer, now. His muscles expanded with added protein. His hips were almost healthy looking. His cheeks were high and plump, and even more now swooned at his arrival in towns.

Double edged sword.

But. 

There was that morning.

-

He awoke and was immediately aware.

Jugo was roaring (“dude, calm down calm down please shit  _ sasuke sasuke sasukefuckerwakeup-“)  _ and Sugietsu was trying to hold him back.

And he failed.

The jutsu took hold just as Jugo crossed the room, pounced on Sasuke’s legs, begun to paw at his sleep clothes and burrow his monstrous face between -

Sasuke has to be more careful. He didn’t think Jugo was that type of man.

( _ I’ll fuck his prissy faggot brain out, just wait for) _

“Sasuke,” Jugo moaned. “Sasuke.”

“It’s alright, Jugo.” Sasuke said, the calm of the kill receding.

“Sasuke,  _ Sasuke.” _

His eyes met his. He was panting and shuddering.

“Sasuke, you’re bleeding.”

And Sasuke shifted, and felt -

Sasuke stopped feeling at all.

-

_ “ - and when you become an adult, little one, I’ll be right with you. Okay? You never have to be scared at all, ‘cuz mummy’s here and she loves you so, so much -“ _

“Wait, he’s injured? When the fuck-?”

_ “- and, Sasuke. You must know. Not-Clan isn’t like us. They don’t understand - they call us man and woman. Not those who give life and those who bear it, not those cherished and those who -“ _

“I don’t think, it’s not, it’s - Sugietsu, I’m going to lose it again, don’t let me hurt him -“

_ “If someone touches you, little brother, you must tell me. Even if it’s our Doctor. You tell me right then. I’ll always protect you, little one. You’re my responsibility.” _

“Sasuke?  _ Sasuke?  _ Karin get your  _ ass  _ in here -“

-

They were used to Sasuke’s strange silences.

He’d stare out the window for hours, even when bandaged. He’d sit and watch the light on the leaves. Feel the breeze on his hands.

Karin and Sugietsu coaxed him out of his clothes and into the bath. They’d sent Jugo out of the cabin for some - supply run. The smell of blood and hormone and shift just - 

They sent him away.

As soon as he was lowered into the water, Sugietsu sighed.

“I’ll, uh, I’ll leave you to your feminine -“

Sasuke stilled.

“...your uh, your  _ shared  _ woes.”

And he was gone, too.

Karin quietly panicked. It was easier to bounce off him than to handle -

“I’m sorry.” She said. And no, it wasn’t her fault. That didn’t make sense.

He was silent. She tried again.

“I didn’t know.”

Still, silence. A thought took hold.

“Sasuke. How old  _ are  _ you?”

Sasuke’s brow twitched. Then stillness.

“You - um. You just stay there for a second. Okay? Or - do you know? Is this your first -? Do you need me to talk to you about it?”

Karin was flushed and rambling and there really was no protocol for when your  _ crush  _ gets his  _ period  _ and -

“My first.” He said quietly. Karin’s heart stopped. “But I’m good.” And then, so soft she hardly heard him, “Thanks.” 

“Yeah - well. If you change your mind. I, um. I got you.”

“You’re not like me.” 

“What do you mean?”

“Hn.” Sasuke turned his head so his hair covered his face. “Never mind.”

Fuck that. 

“No - what do you mean? Because I’m - a girl?” 

“I don’t - no.”

“You don’t know  _ what?” _

“No.” He said, short. “I’d like to be alone, please.” 

Karin ground her teeth. 

There was a knock on the bathroom door. 

“Jugo’s back. He didn’t know what to get. So he got everything.” Sugietsu rustled through a bag. “In every size.”

Sasuke couldn’t help it. He snorted. Karin gave him a look.  _ Guys. They’re all the same. _

He let out what could have been a chuckle, leaning back into the tub. Karin laughed, opening the door.

-

Karin and Sugietsu took it all in stride. Sugietsu quickly learned what jokes he could get away with and what would get him a sword to the neck.

(Or worse, the awful freeze Sugietsu knew all too well - the test experiments Orochimaru took a special liking to, the ones who woke up wailing and squeezing their legs together, the awful stillness of their limbs) 

No.

Jugo was the one who was a bit - different about it. He was walking closer, arms brushing against Sasuke’s. His sleeping roll drifted closer. He checked the door four times instead of his customary two, watched how Sasuke ate.

Sasuke knew it was - the  _ heat  _ making him preen at such attention. He squashed it brutally. 

-

Sugietsu waited for them to wake up. He couldn’t  _ wait  _ for the shitshow about to go down.

Jugo woke first, nuzzling closer still to Sasuke’s hair. He sniffed twice, humming.

Then his eyes snapped open. 

“Gmorning, big guy. You have something to tell me?”

Jugo flushed, butting Sasuke’s shoulder in a silent apology. 

Sasuke either was still asleep or just didn’t give a shit.

“I - is there breakfast?”

“Karin’s turn to make it. She’s out.”

“Uh.” 

Jugo lay down again, his head thunking against the floor. He stared at Sasuke’s profile.

The silence grew strained for Sugietsu.

“What, Karin’s got a new member of her club?”

“You smell different.”

“Me?”

“You.” 

Sasuke’s eyes slowly opened. He stared up at the ceiling as Sugietsu sputtered.

“I’m sorry, Uchiha. It won’t happen again.”

Sasuke let out a sigh. 

“...you slept better like that.” Sugietsu pointed out.

None of the - nightmares they never talked about. None of Sasuke’s horrible, still sweats, nor Jugo’s quaking. 

Sasuke glared at him. Jugo shifted, his hair falling on Sasuke’s shoulder. 

They looked at each other. Sugietsu abruptly felt like a third wheel.

“I suppose I did.” Sasuke allowed. “Thanks.” 

Jugo beamed. 

-

Sasuke - well.

No drinking, drugs, tattoos, sex, masturbation.

Sasuke let his head lean against the tile wall, staring at the bloody water swirling down the drain.

( _ “Fucking - my mom’s cramps were crazy, her time of the month. If Sasuke kills someone, I elect Karin.”  _

_ “Oh, ‘cause periods make us crazy? Asshole?” _

_ “I’m saying -“ _

_ “I got a heating pad. The clerk at the store was of great help.” _

_ “Jugo -! You - what the fuck did you say to her? ‘Hey, my little fucking brother started bleeding out the wazoo and -“ _

_ Splash. _

_ “Cramps suck. You all suck.” _

_ “Once again, the medicinal powers of jacking it. And sex.” _

_ “Sugietsu.” _

_ “Tell me I’m wrong.” _

_ “...you’re not wrong.” _

_ “WHAT was that?” _

_ “Shoulda listened more carefully. You’ll never hear it again.”) _

Sasuke’s fingers slipped down to that place he was not allowed to touch. His fingertips examined one side, and then the other.

Such a tiny, soft thing to make a baby. Such a small little opening to take -

Sasuke grit his teeth. He could try. 

How did - ( _ “that pillow” “jacking off” _ ) - he was to - take the one who gives life inside of him. Was that -?

He imagined lying still to make a child. To take something inside. 

His finger was too thick. The water didn’t help.

He tried rubbing the outside and -

Nothing.

He bit his lip, roughly yanking the shower to a frigid setting against the flush on his face.

Stupid.

-

But the - shift began.

Sasuke should be able to squash that emptiness, the hole where family once was. 

Because it was _giggles _about heat and _I know and you don’t _and_ I’ll tell you when you’re older just_ _stay out of our parents bedroom that month _and (so much blood there’s blood _sasuke don’t come in)_

They’d tell him when he was older. But he’s older now and they’re not here.

He wanted - 

Sasuke curled himself inward, not letting himself cry.

He wanted his mama. He wanted Father. 

He wanted - Itachi.

He’d figure it out. He always had, before.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things start to change. poor sasuke :c
> 
> warnings for mentions of arousal, masturbation, some weird fetishization of consent, internalized everything, and some dumb transphobic jokes from sugietsu

He could smell more. Sometimes, his sense of smell almost matched his  _ eyes. _

He could smell when Karin awoke, when a ( _ woman) _ person was pregnant and not showing, when Jugo’s blood rushed to his face or rushed down -

He could smell arousal. He swore he could taste it. Hear the shift in the pelvic muscles and the dilation of the pupil. 

He tried - a pillow. To rut. Nothing.

He burnt it, afterwards.

A digression.

_ Smell.  _ Now he understood Jugo’s scenting. Where before was mere sweat, he knew hormones and anger and satisfaction and exhaustion. When Karin took progesterone or when there was no pharmacy in town, when Sugietsu was more saltwater than fresh and the sun had boiled minerals out of his skin, the days when Jugo -

When an alpha -

When a ( _ man?)  _ -

-

He began to dream. 

Not nightmares. Not terrors. Dreams.

He dreamed of piggyback rides, and grabbing Shisui’s forearm

(“don’t stick your hand in the fire!” “sasuke, since when are uchiha’s afraid of  _ heat?” _ )

He dreamed of the firmness of flesh and the way it smelled. The way it felt -

That wasn’t a fight. That wasn’t uncurling a dead man’s fist for his kunai, but their doctor setting his pinky finger in a kid’s splint.

And then he  _ dreamed. _

-

Sasuke, as was the norm, was immediately awake. 

The temperature in his genitalia was elevated, and he ( _ smelled)  _ felt the flush in his chest to his neck. Were his areolas wider? Was there - vasocongestion of his inner walls? His cervix elevated? Tumescence of -

Sasuke could be silent. He  _ could.  _ He didn’t know why he whimpered, why an eternity of learning to sleep on his back was now thrown away to roll and curl up with his pillow -

( _ and what was he dreaming of? of blonde hair and a scent of honey? of licking flesh and finding the taste of salt and the grit of dirt? of someone holding him and nuzzling his neck -) _

He did not keen into his pillow. He did not whimper. He did not ache.

He - brushed his hips against the floor. A little.

Maybe a roll of the hips or two -

Sasuke shoved his face against the pillow, breathing deeply. 

( _ Did Jugo touch it? Did he wash it? Did he hold it?) _

Sasuke rocked down, feeling the shiver of unused muscles twitching. He squeezed his pillow, but it didn’t feel like being held.

( _ He’s - large. Could he pick Sasuke up? Could he cover him with his body? Could he hold  _ him down - )

Sasuke felt something cresting.

( _ Are men gentle? Or do they take? Would there be passivity? Did he lie on his back, or could he be cradled? Do they take?) _

Do they take? 

Did he want to be taken?

Sasuke felt the abrupt need to urinate, and stopped, nearly mad with frustration. He burrowed his head back in his pillow, ignoring the twitch of his hips.

-

Jugo awoke with an erection the next morning. 

This happened to men, Sasuke knew, but rarely could he -

Smell it. 

Jugo didn’t vacate the room when he awoke. Not for a long, long moment. 

Not for a pregnant ( _ ha) _ pause where he inhaled deeply, over and over. 

Sasuke heard the rush of saliva to his mouth, felt his gaze, the dilation of -

He lay still on his side, his back to Jugo. 

He heard Jugo shift, and ceased to breathe.

(He wouldn’t.)

(Would he?)

(Sasuke didn’t want that.)

( _ Did he?) _

Another moment.

And Jugo clambered to his feet, his footsteps heavy as they left the room.

Sasuke was  _ not  _ \- disappointed.

-

The problem was - 

In plain terms -

There was no good way to say this. Sasuke wasn’t sure if this was - an Uchiha thing or a - thing with having a vagina.

Surely they can’t all suffer like this. Surely not.

Sasuke was -  _ frustrated. _ Wet. Even sitting on the corner of a chair sent strange heat up his belly, the consideration of Sugietsu’s arms and sword hold made him ache inside, the soft skin below Karin’s navel -

Did everyone  _ ache  _ like this?

He shifted from where he knelt in the warm forest, jolting when his calves rubbed against his - 

Sasuke ground his teeth. This was not fucking bearable. 

There had to be a way around it.

-

And - well. 

He sometimes had trouble concentrating, when he was younger. 

When he was thirteen, when - when things were nice in Konoha -

It was hard to stop wondering if Kakashi was handsome under his mask. If Neji would blush on a date or if he was composed in every situation. It was hard to ignore Choji’s funny smile at the farmer’s market, and how he hugged everyone and was so soft and sweet. Hard to ignore how Kiba smelled so  _ good  _ in such a gross way, like a wet puppy he wanted to curl up with.

How Naruto -

When Naruto -

When he - 

-

He couldn’t ask Karin. She was attracted to him. 

Any weakness - who was to say she wouldn’t - lie? Take advantage? 

But - he was getting ( _ desperate) _ fed up with all of this.

He didn’t ask to speak to her. They were used to his silences like they were used to Jugo’s shifts, to Sugietsu’s teeth.

After dinner, he glanced at her. He cocked his head and left the room to cover the blush on his face. 

“Lady talk?” Sugietsu said idly, as he passed. 

Sasuke didn’t raise his hand. Karin did that for him, water splattering on the table.

He stepped into the hallway with Jugo’s laugh echoing behind him, hiding his smile.

-

“So. Hi.”

Karin had a funny sort of blush. Her hair was fiery, and her blush painted her face the same ruddy red. 

Sasuke’s was delicate. Men liked to see it. In Sound, they’d say -

Horrible things. To see if he’d blush.

“Sasuke?”

Right.

He looked her in the eye, letting himself breathe slowly as he gathered his thoughts. She fiddled with her glasses, of course, twitched away from his (messed up) gaze.

“Do you - want a child?”

“What?”

Where the  _ fuck  _ did that come from? 

Sasuke’s face was on fire. So was hers.

“I - I can carry a child. That’s what this means.”

To her credit, Karin nodded past her embarrassment.

“I mean - probably. Usually menstruation means - yknow.” She made a gesture. “It’s all there. But a doctor can check. When it’s late, though, that can mean the ovaries are - yknow.”

“Hn.”

Karin, despite what everyone might say, wasn’t a dumbass. That wasn’t his question.

“I got it way young,” She said carefully. “After my village was destroyed. I had to figure a lot out on my own, but then I met some women who helped a lot.”

Sasuke looked out the window.

“I - listen. How about I tell you everything they told me? You don’t - have to ask questions or anything, okay? I’ll just give you a rundown.”

“...thank you.”

“Yeah.” She grinned. “First time for everything.”

-

But the problem was her rundown didn’t really include - everything he wanted to know. 

Either she thought he knew already and he’d look dumb to ask, or she didn’t  _ feel  _ like he felt and she was non-clan and -

“Anything I’m missing?”

He couldn’t quite see her eyes. Her glasses reflected the light.

“What is it?”

“I - was told.” Sasuke began slowly. “I assumed - a woman’s -  _ our  _ job is to make a child.”

Karin shifted in discomfort. “Okay.”

“Kabuto said -“

All discomfort and blush left Karin at his name. Sasuke paused.

“Nah, what did he tell you?” She said, icily. “I’ll set the record straight.”

Sasuke’s breath eased.

“Kabuto said there was heat. Is this common?”

“Heat? Like - ovulation? Or fever?”

Sasuke shrugged, a sharp jerk. “Hn.”

“I don’t know. I’ve never heard of that. Is it for Uchiha’s?”

“Maybe it is.” Sasuke said. “I thought - you might know a cure. I think I have it.”

“What do you mean?”

He looked away, blushing.

“Maybe - it’s just something for Uchiha’s. I’ve heard this word before. From family.”

Karin bit her lip. He looked defeated.

“I’ll see if I can find anything similar. The Uchiha can’t be the only clan - someone else must know it, too. Hyuuga’s are similar blood, I’ll see -“

“But if they don’t?” Sasuke interjected, quietly.

They both sat for a few minutes longer, the silence ringing with Itachi’s name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeeehaw

**Author's Note:**

> yeah, idk what's going on either


End file.
